AZOTUSLAND chapter Fifty-Three

Jim called a staff meeting the next day for after Jonathan's comedy routine which had recently lengthened to almost twenty minutes.

That day, after his sandwich, he had assumed the stage as various staff assembled and he began with a musical intro that Maurice had helped him with...a Star Wars intro.

It quickly faded out and Jonathan grabbed the microphone and in a near perfect Robin Williams voice said "Hellow, I am George Lucas and welcome to Skywalker Ranch. We have just finished production of 2400 new Directors Cuts for the 6 Star Wars films which will now be available on DVD in both formats making for a whopping 4800 versions really....Got Catch-em all!"

Up came the music again and then Jonathan launched in again...."Episode 4, Director's Cut 187: the "Renegade Droid Version" now available in this special collection!

"C3PO, originally a hairstylist, with R2-D2 his professional styling caddie, is publicly ridiculed for his participation in Princess Leia's Horns 'O Plenty hairstyle debacle. When no one proves able to disassemble her braided pastry-like structures, the droids are arrested and scheduled for exile to the spice mines of Kesstle.

"Oh what a joyfulness!" he said widely grinning like Williams and Manfred applauded while others laughed.

"The droids escape during the confusion of Vader's attack and plan to open a beautician's school in Mos Eisley. When 3PO and R2 discover rampant droid racism in the space port, they hire mysterious stranger Han Solo to bust up the locals and restore order and commerce. At the end of the film we see R2-D2, bitter and despairing over his lot in life, like a used up Ban-roll-on drinking himself to disassembly with gallons of WD-40 in his own private version of Leaving Mos Eisley."

There were weird looks or cheers from the staff.

"But wait!," he cried "There's more!"

Jim went around the back and hit the lower fridge and poured some cold white wine into a coffee mug.

"I just loved Joseph Campbell and his re-casting of the male myth of Iron Obi-Wan!" Jonathan exclaimed. Young Luke discovers the "hairy man" ...Chewbacca...at the bottom of a Sarlac pit and enlists his help. Chewie leads him to his "male mother," Iron Obi-Wan, who reveals that Luke's father, Darth Vader, and controlling twin sister, Leia, are responsible for abandoned him on the planet Tattoinne...which means "never-ending ball of dust. After Luke, Han and Chewie have captured Leia from her father's death star and she says, 'Will someone get this big walking carpet out of my way,' Chewie demonstrates the Rite of the Hairy Man by ripping one of Leia's horns 'o plenty off the side of her head. Luke follows suit, thus enacting the breaking-away ritual from his controlling twin sister. True spiritual masculinity is re-established when Iron Obi-Wan defeats Lord Vader in battle and Luke self-publishes his first chapbook of poetry, Stories my Father Never Told Me."

"Those are old!" Jeremy piped up. "What do you think of epsiode 3!?"

"Well I only just saw it for the 37th time and I wondered Jeremy..."

"Wondered what?" Jeremy yelled out.

"Wondered about all the Jango Fetts Jeremy...all those clones...I mean what happens at Christmas for godssake? Can you imagine the mayhem under the tree as 45,000 Jangos tug at the presents and try and figure whose is what's? And....where's momma?"

Well those clued in were highly amused and it was a good warm up to what Jim had to say as he approached the stage and Jonathan stepped down.

They high-fived as they passed.

Jim looked out on really what he felt was Azotus...these people. He caught Maugham's smirk and how he and Martine banded close. He looked at Roo and how she smiled. Manfred was obviously looking for a way to steal the show, so Jim began.

"Thank you for coming, not that you had much choice," he said.

"I know some strange things have been going on lately but none of that really relates to you," Jim said seriously.

"You are really what Azotus is about and, hopefully, long after I am gone you and others like you will be making Azotus work in your own ways."

"But Sahib!" Manfred protested, "You are not going away!"

"No, Manfred, I had not planned on that, and if I did, how would you possibly maintain your considerable diet?"

There was laughter and Manfred beemed at Jim.

"So," he said pacing across the small stage, "what is Azotus to you?"

They had gotten use to raising hands as it kept them from talking over each other. It was a sign of respect in a chaotic swirl that was often Azotus.

So they did, almost all of them.

"Roo," Jim said pointing.

"This is my family, really," Roo said. There were many heads nodding. "It's about connecting with peole in community and being present. I feel good when I get home because I have made people happy."

Jim pointed to Renata after nodding.

"I came here because I was desperate for a job. I had no idea the friends I would make or how Rand and I would be included."

Jim pointed next to Jonathan who said "It's the STORIES..." in his Bill Murray voice. Then he waltzed around a bit (amidst giggling) "I've always wondered why I have lost women to guys...and girls...like you" he said with mock sincerity.

"Like Manfred!...That time you stole Jennifer Connelly from Jim and did the whole Ben Kingsley/Ghandi thing?? I wanna party with you Sahib."

Then Jonathan danced around the room as Manfred going "Ghandi-Gee, Ghandi-Gee, Ghandi-Gee...Gee-whiz...you are a genius!" he finished as Williams.

Then he took his seat while several staffers wiped their eyes from laughing so hard they cried.

Jim was doubled over looking down. Manfred asked for his autograph.

He looked up and spied Maugham. No...not yet.

Then Ward. He pointed.

"I am only here pretty much on weekends," Ward said. "But I get the flavor of all that goes on during the week and it amazes me. You people are fucking nuts!" More laughter.

Then he sat down and Jim pointed to the large flatscreen monitor on stage for musical acts. It was Andy.

He had a bad Webcam pointed at his head which made him look like Peter Jackson beaming in from New Zealand even though he was a mere 18 feet underneath them.

The screen began to stripe with static and Jim said "Andy? Andy? I think we are losing you."

"No Jim...yer not...I just added that...I thought it would look cool and like a movie." He fuzzed in and out all static like.

Maugham looked at Martine and said "we should have sold tickets."