AZOTUSLAND Chapter Eighty-Five

Ted was in a quandary, a crisis of faith and had no idea how to deal with any of it. He hated Jim but also loved him. What he had offered was insanely generous but also insane. His time with Rev. Tanka before he died was not much different.

Ted jumped in his Suburban and drove out to Bolinas to clear his head.

When he got there he stopped at the store. He decided on the way there, through Olema, he would do things different for a day. He would "try it on". He was listening to a CD made by Jonathan for him that was mostly Sixpense None the Richer.

No one was there to watch or evaluate him. Not the ghost of his father and mother and not the elders of his former church. So he drove into beachfront Bolinas, stopped at the store, bought some slices of dry salami, some cheeses, a small bottle of wine and a baggette and headed for the beach.

He felt decadent and Bohemian, which he later found funny. But at the time it was a stretch to be sure. He set up camp and read from the book that Tanka had given him. It sounded deep chimes within him in ways he did not understand. It was a foreign music that was familiar yet far away at the same time. But he kept listening and entertaining it.

He wrote in a new journal for awhile about Jim crazy idea about "Spoke" and what Jim had asked him to head up. He was confused so he decided to just air it out.

After some slices of salami, and a splash of wine and some fresh butter on hard baggette he set it down and decided to pray.

But it was different. He decided to listen instead of speak. Tanka, in his last days had urged this on the young man and talked of his own mistakes and how he wished he could trade ten thousand of his own lost words for just twenty that might belong to God.

So Ted intended to listen.

They had laughed often in Tanka's hospital room and Tanka had listened to Ted whole story with care. Ted was always concerned that Tanka was insane, but he could not deny that he loved him and was more available, as a pastor, than any he had ever known.

They prayer together often in those final days for Tanka. And Tanka wept one time and thanked Ted for being at his side day by day when he knew he was dying.

Ted was undone by this. So he ended up at the beach and looked to his left and saw three older men on the beach looking ragged. He looked down and saw he still had two thirds of a baggette, and butter, cheeses, some salami, and a bit of wine.

He walked over with it in tow and sat down in the sand and introduced himself.

*********

Jonathan was spending the day rehearsing his lines and listening over and over again to his own comedic meanderings for the show that evening at the Comedy Club in Larkspur.

Jeremy was downstairs in the Batcave building, with the help of newcomers Veronica and Ethan, a whole paper mache mountain of their devising. They were thick with paste and bad newspaper and laughing and it was all a mess. Yet they pressed on and Jeremy pressed on though thinking here and there about recent girlfriend version 17.8.

Ian had taken to parking his Mustang in his father's old spot, which did not suit Manfred's sensibilities. When Manfred brought it up to Ian, he simply replied "Bite me. Talk to Papi."

********

Ted had offered his extra food to men he thought homeless. This was a big step and he laughed when it turned out they had homes and good humor. Paul, Tim and Robert were all residents of Bolinas in some capacity and they enjoyed each others company. They swapped stories with Ted and Tim remarked and quoted from Thoreau as if Ted had read Walden. He had not but he feigned that he had and made a mental note.

They shook hands and Ted felt clean and good and humanized as he walked back to his small camp. He slipped on some fins and dove into the surf in the inlet and tasted the good salt water and marveled at the richness of the deep crevice that cut down it's narrow middle.

As he dove down he found amazing shells and hermit crabs and pieces of old dead boats and beach glass. It was like a museum, but was alive and open.

He surfaced and Tim was walking and yelling at him from the beach. He paddled in a bit because he could not hear him...just saw him moving his way and pointing. When he got in another fifteen yards he turned and saw what Tim was pointing at and what he had no idea of. I huge fishing trauler cruised past him in the shallow trench and he realized he had been saved by the man.

Shaken, Ted slumped hard up on the beach and Tim just turned and walked away like what he wanted had simply happened and it was time to get a beer.

By the time Ted had cleaned up his equipment and grabbed his bags and headed up the men were gone. He chucked the gear in the back of the big white beast and drove into town looking for Tim.

He only found Paul who he called out to and Paul asked him for a lift to his house on the point and Ted agreed.

******************

As Ted and Paul lumbered out towards the point Jonathan was done practicing and as he lept on his bike and was about to start the long Journey to Larkspur when Manfred drove up in the Jeep and offered a lift. They racked the bike on the back and Jonathan climbed in and Manfred treated Jonathan to a lecture on the "beauties of Darkening Shadows and the Barnabbas' Collins" and Jonathan had many belly laughs along the way.

Dirk was working out well. He and Roo had quickly learned to read each other. She was his Jedi master in all things Azotus. He liked her and kind of wished she was available.

In the Library Rich was giving a small presentation on The Desert Fathers and Orthodox spirituality. He sat back on the table and took questions from River, Ked-Woman, Dan, Ward (on break), Sex, Rand and newcomers Brad, Catherine and Ernesto.

There was a joy in Rich and a constant revolution of heart and he was a man of faith to the extent that he did not need all the "correct answers". And he loved people and had a natural charisma. So those who came enjoyed their coffees and teas and the biscottis Renata had brought in and they bantered about the oddness of men seeking God in desert caves.

Ernesto spoke up at one spoint and said "Do you see the irony now?"

"What irony?" Rich asked.

"That caves once reserved for peaceful communion with God now hide terrorists." Ernesto answered. "What did you just quote from St. Antony?"

Rich grabbed up the book and re-read, "It was said of Abba John the Persian that when some evildoers came to harm him, he took a basin and wanted to wash their feet. But they were filled with confusion, and began to do penance."

*********

Ted parked the Suburban out at the point and Paul led him through the garden and showed him his wide collection of marijuana plants. Then Paul put on the kettle and set out some white slated chairs on the small deck overlooking the ocean.

They sat out looking at the Pacific pound hard against the rocks below and Ted laughed "How did you get this place?"

"The Government," Paul said. "I was a veteran and I filled out paperwork."

"I'm happy for you," Ted said.

"But not happy for yourself," Paul said, then got up and went to fetch the tea for both of them.

Paul came back and placed a small table down and a bowl of crackers and then two sets of tea and the small dark pot.

Ted closed his eyes after taking a sip of the tea and Paul knew enough to let him be. He took a large breath in of the Pacific and exhaled. Then he asked Paul if he had any paper and a pen.

Paul went off to find and Ted listened more intently and heard whispered through his mind that made sense. He smiled for the first time in a week and drank more tea and Paul returned with paper and pen and left him alone for a few minutes as he laid the paper down on the rough wooden chair arm and began to write what was coming to him.