AZOTUSLAND Chapter Ninety-Seven

That night Jim had a series of dreams that were derived from High School times some 30 years earlier.

In the first, they had all gotten back from a field trip very late and he and his girlfriend had slept out under the stars. She was also suddenly his ex-wife, but younger. At one point he removed his own pants because he wanted her, but she was asleep and he felt kindly towards her and just nuzzled her neck and rested a hand on her breast.

In the morning he was supposed to shower and there was a line if you wanted to roll under the doors of the shower stall, get up from the wet floor and shower, or go around and try another way. Jim had gone straight for the other way and found the walkway into the stalls broken and collapsed, with only a few inches intween, impossible to squeeze through. But then as if he grabbed the shiny steel wall and pushed to the left he could get through. The others still waited outside and he went into the shower stall and found it was open air on the other side and that people were walking by. Still there was a long row of magazines in slanted display that came up a good five feet so he started to shower. The water started to splatter on the popular magazines and ruin them but Jim figured, in the dream, that some idiot had build the shower system this way. Still, his shower was short.

When he was done, he dressed and walked down the left until he was on and along a thin strip of land with a pond in front of him. He stopped, looked at the lake and said to it "You're my subconscious I suppose?" The pond did not reply. "Well you should put in some Koi." Then he walked down to the small bridge that lead onto the campus.

The dream shifted, or perhaps Jim did in his large bed. Now Jim was being taunted by the gym coach, a man who looked like Mike Ditka and who threw the football way too hard on purpose and wanted Jim to run away. Jim didn't and the coach yelled why not, and Jim said "because you are faster than me by far so what's the point?"

Then he went to get some water and there were only two people at one spiggot, three at the other side. He got in line. But the line kept growing which became exasperating. Finally he was in a line of about 200 plus people and they kept shifting to the left, and by the time Jim noticed he had lost his place and went farther back. They moved again with the same result. Jim was patient, but when they got to the far left, and the wall leading down, there were clearly about 300 people waiting in line and the same down at the bottom for the other spigot.

"You people are fucking insane goddamnit!" he yelled out and everyone turned and there was very hostile murmering and a teacher looked down from the wall and said "we don't talk that way here."

At first, Jim was self-conscious of the teacher, then he thought, "fuck him, what's he gonna do shoot me?" He felt they hated him and he felt ambivalence. He turned and there was only one kid behind him, and he did not look angry at all and quite happy to be last.

Jim thought of how bad his grades were, how he seldom went to class, and that he could find water elsewhere. He also realized that his parents were gone and that he was free to move anywhere and enroll in a different school. But which school? Well, anyone would be better than this, but he figured he could research them and find agood one and start over. He knew he would be alone, but he started down the hill to find a different place to live and be.

***********

Martine walked slowly down Sir Francis Drake towards the small town. She sifted through what Maugham had said and what the three of them had discussed before Maugham left. She was relatively certain that the woman would have shot Maugham and that she was responsible for the bomb and also the death of Jacob. She remembered that Jim always said "context is everything" then she thought "Fuck Jim! Fuck Jim and his secrets and how he puts him in danger. Asshole."

It was still early and the store was open so she went in an bought a large coffee and then walked out behind the store to the marsh and found an old table looking out over Tomales Bay. It was so peaceful and she looked out and saw the heads of two seals bob up and down in the bluegreen waters and she wanted Maugham there with her arm around her. But then she didn't.

What had happened to him? Couldn't he have just turned the light on and told her to get dressed?

Back at the retreat house Maugham finally slumped downstairs and sat in the chapel. It was dark wooded and simple. There were some candles lighted but no one else was there. He looked up at the figure Christ on the cross and muttered, "what are you looking at?"

**********

When Roo showed up that afternoon in the IC, Andy was excited.

"Hey, when Cara was down here she saw that the screen next to hers had all this information on Boston. Guess what?"

"She's a Red Sox fan," Roo said flatly. "Who isn't given the Yankees?"

"No Roo. She's from Boston. Just moved out here three years ago with her husband. So we got to talking and she made some suggestions...but I like this one best." Andy clicked on a bookmark and a host of information on Provincetown, Massachusetts came up.

"Have a look," Andy said smiling and Roo smirked and started in.

**********

When Jim came into the Upper Cafe he spied Dan reading a book and Rich sitting next to him. The two had, over the last few months, attended each others presentations at Azotus and enjoyed each other's quiet company.

Jim got some coffee and walked over and asked if they were willing to sit out on the deck, even though it was a bit warm.

"What's up Jim?" Rich asked.

"Well I had a dream last night and I wanted to ask you two what you think of it...I mean its probably just the Kung Pao Chicken I had last night."

They agreed and moved their drinks and books and journals out on the deck and admired the view of the valley for a few moments then Jim recounted the dreams as fully as he could.

"Well, what do you think?" he finished.

"What do you think? Really," Dan said. "It's your mind and dreams are part of mind, as is experience."

"Well, the common denominator is water," Jim said, "in three instances yet somehow related, right?"

"Well you have the shower, the pond and the impossible fountain," Rich chimed in. Seems like you named the second one right in the dream to me, so what do you make of the shower?"

They talked for an hour about the inaccssibility of the shower, yet Jim had found a way to be refreshed and cleansed despite odds against it and the sheep-like mentaility of others. When it came to the pond they quickly moved on, although Dan said that the desire to see Koi in the pond might be the desire to see and experience beauty and wealth on a subconscious level.

Given what he had already cerated externally and hoped to in the future it made sense to him that some inner work was being avoided.

"I think your not running from the menacing coach is telling," said Rich. "But is there some despair in there?"

"Probably," said Jim. "But I also stood up to him, answered and didn't let him shame me," said Jim.

"Yes, that's obvious."

"Why do you think you keep getting jostled back in line waiting for water?" Dan asked.

"I dunno," Jim said, "No one was being mean, they were very unconscious of their acts and did not seem to even know that they kept moving and that the line was getting bigger."

"So no one was actually getting any water?" Dan asked.

"Ahhh...said Jim. "I never thought of that. The whole time I never saw anyone walk away after drinking. The line just got bigger and longer."

"Yes you were the only agitated one, right?" Rich asked.

"Yes, I thought all of it was bullshit, so I said so," said Jim.

"But not at first?" asked Dan.

Jim pondered. "No, I went along for awhile and accepted the herd mentality, but eventually broke away with a new plan and started walking toward that alone."

"No there was one kid behind you, was he part of the pack as well, just behind you?" asked Dan

"No, he was about five feet back just looking at me," said Jim. "Who do you think he is in the dream?"

"I dunno, they say everyonein your dream is an aspect of you, but I think that is a load of crap. But in this case, maybe my more passive side who is always just a little behind. What about you two?"

"It's the Buddha," Dan smiled.

"It's Jesus," smirked Rich and they laughed together.

"Hey, hey hey..." Rich then said, "he is last in line. 'The first shall be last'...huh, huh?" and they cracked up again.

When they stopped Dan asked, "When you went walking down, did you pass the pool again?"

"No, I woke up before I could see what came next."

"Damn!" Rich slapped his leg with a grin, and they all sat back and had a sip of what each was drinking and once again admired the valley.